


with love

by pastelskrulls



Series: Vent [2]
Category: Marvel, Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Depression, Dissociation, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Previously Grief Pains, Self-Harm, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 18:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14141685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelskrulls/pseuds/pastelskrulls
Summary: billy has been floating since he started as a young avenger, and is longing for the ground





	with love

Billy was drifting. He didn’t know how long he had been floating through life, and he didn’t particularly care. He hadn’t cared much about anything since the funeral, where he watched his friends lower into the ground, where everyone decided it would be best to split up. But, he had been drifting for much longer. Since The Warden cut into Teddy, leaving no physical mark, but somehow never leaving. 

He’d been drifting since he faded out of reality, a displaced soul once more. When he lost his physicality for the second time, this one so much worse. Though, the connection to his body had been gone for even longer. The link weakened over time, until it felt like nothing more than a movie.

Fights brought him back. The pain of Kesler’s fist landed him on the ground for a second. Blasts from Kang’s guns tugged his string and forced him back to Earth. And when Doctor Doom started attacking, Billy was on solid terrain.

Now nothing was keeping him down, he was back to floating high above his body. Drifting. So he sat by the window, stared into the never-entirely-dark city sky and waited for more pain. When none came, he created his own. His line to himself, dark scarlet lines littering his wrists. Each little cut made him mlre and more real.

For a moment, when Teddy grabbed his hands and tethered them together, pulled him away from his window, Billy felt truly alive again. With Teddy’s hands planted on his waist, he finally felt solid.

Then he left, and Billy was floating again. Even the countless fights against Mother’s minions couldn’t bring him back, and he fell to old habits. No amount of pain could compete with the constant stream of _hehatesyouhehatesyouhe’snevercomingbackit’syourfault. ___

__And then he was captured. His form was twisted, at mercy to his enemies, and suddenly Billy was deep inside the Earth and the pain was too much. And now Teddy was the one in pain, Teddy was the one suffering, again, because Billy couldn’t save him. But Loki already gave him a way to stop it, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it before._ _

__But then they stopped him, and the pain was still there and Teddy was still gone. They went back to Mother’s dimension, where the pain was even worse, and freed Teddy._ _

__Billy was floating. Again he was floating. For real this time, but not drifting. Stationary above their heads, above the fights, above the pain, as Mother sent vision after vision. He saw Cassie again. Jason, Eli, Teddy. Teddy showed up so much. And he was happy and he didn’t hate Billy for all he’d done, for all he _hadn’t _done, all he failed. Billy wanted to cry. The pain and fear and grief had filled him, had sapped the tears from him, until he was empty.___ _

____A flash of green light spiked through the air. And Teddy stepped out, alleviating the panic for just a second. He was smiling, no sign of the torture he had just been through on his face. When he kissed Billy, they were flying, so different from floating. And then, he was alone with the universe. Everyone who had been or would be, staring up at him. He had control, and he was okay. Power coursed through his veins as he created a utopia. A home for his friend, and as he watched the rest of life sprawl out._ _ _ _

____When he woke up next, he was solid. Entirely and completely. It wasn't a temporary reprieve from the drifting, like so many times before. He could feel his feet and fingers, he could stay on the ground. And pain hurt again, his wrists and thighs, the holes in his ears from the cube, the space in his heart, reserved for Cassie and Jonas and Nate. For all the friends he had lost._ _ _ _

____Teddy was sitting on his bed. Teddy was happy, laughing at the group chat. Billy was going to ruin that. He closed the door, locked so no one could stop him. He settled next to Teddy and rolled up his sleeves. Teddy’s smile had fallen, and even thought he knew it was too late, Billy shoved them back down, covering the scars that still sat there._ _ _ _

____Teddy didn’t cry. He didn’t yell or draw back. He sat and listened. Billy tried his best to explain. Explain how or why or the feeling of drifting. When he was done, Teddy merely wrapped him up in his arms and laid down. Billy could feel him shift, could feel him encompass his body, as he held him close, one hand resting on the small of his back. Falling asleep, the pain stayed beneath the surface, and Billy was on the ground._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> have you ever felt like you werent real?


End file.
